I've been thinking about sex a lot lately. Mainly because I recently had some on a continual basis which then ended. Mainly because everyone around me is suddenly getting some. Mainly because, fuck it, I just enjoy sex.
I think it's wonderful. It's a great way to boost yours and your partner's self esteem. It's a great way of getting to know someone, and it's simply wonderful to balance out your moods and make sure you go to bed exhausted. It can make you feel closer to the person you are having it with. It can be liberating. Frankly it's just thoroughly enjoyable. Even if you have to do it to yourself.
I didn't enjoy sex when I first started. Like most people I was young and rushed the whole experience. I just wanted it over and done with so I could get to enjoying it. I was realistic, I knew I wasn't going to get what I wanted out of the first few goes. Hell, I didn't even know what I wanted, let alone how to direct someone into doing it for me. My partner was also young and ill experienced. Didn't stop him from trying *bless* but unfortunately I was also ill experienced- in young men's egos. I'll admit I wasn't as kind and nurturing as I could have been, which resulted in a lack lustre pursuit of the female orgasm. He got there though. The relationship did not.
Confidence came with age. I grew up a little bit, lost my figure (I became offensively large, but that's another story) but some how also more confident in bed. I know every woman in a teenage girl's life tells her confidence comes with age, that once hormones stop mutating your body and settles into some form of breasts and hips that you suddenly come to appreciate it, and that every teenage girl thinks it's a joke. I'm serious, at some stage it just happens. You stop focusing on your wobbly parts and how they are moving in time to your thrusts and you JUST. DON'T. CARE.
I was at my largest with my last partner. It didn't stop me... Although I'll admit I always took his glasses off under the pretense I didn't want them to get broken in the mix. I realised during this time that my sexuality had changed again. In my life (thus far) I'd gone from awkward and unsatisfied teenager, to unconfident and shy 20 something, to sexually confident woman. I had no fear saying exactly what I wanted and how, and more importantly, enjoyed sex for what it is: An educational experience.
Personally, sex should be seen as an opportunity to learn. It doesn't have to be a new move or every session, but you need to be open to learning. I learnt things about him that I found I enjoyed as well. I learnt new things about myself. It helped that I'd recently started working out a lot, as I'd become more flexible but also more energetic.
So now I'm happy with my sexuality. I have a fairly good idea of what I like and what interests me, as well as things I'd like to try in the future. Now to find someone/s to do it with.
