It's the Stars that Shine for You...

And it's the stars that lie to you.

I think the worst thing about death, after the shock and the keening have exhausted your body, is that all you're left with are words. From now on you can only use WORDS to outline and colour in a whole person. Describing what they meant to you and to others and the sheer gravity they held in your life.

And never before have words seemed so vulgar, crude and clumsy. The same words we use to tell those that are left that we love them are some how no longer an accurate representation of someone who is not with us anymore. 

And Although I was Losing My Mind

It was a chorus so sublime...

Hey. So I haven't blogged in a while. But I'm pretty certain y'all know I'm alive because, well, if you read this it's because you're my mate, and I'm pretty awesome at the Staying Reasonably in Contact thing.

So, Update:

No where near my dream yet. And by that I mean I have a band without a singer, a singer without a band, a sound engineer, a bar for them to play in and a terribly interesting kid who can play and sing everything. The only thing I'm lacking is the guts to do anything about all these things. But I'm getting there.

I miss my friends, both home, interstate and overseas, but I'm also well and truly settled here and wouldn't dream of moving. I've made new and marvellous friends, engaged in relationships with some limited success depending on your view, and I've learnt and grown do much over the past year that I barely recognise the inside of my own head sometimes. I'm also stronger and faster than I've ever been and really excited to see what my body can do next.

Kind of excited to see what I achieve next anyway.

There Are Twenty Years to Go

A golden age I know.

A friend (that I did not know) of a close friend has chosen to end his own life. I love our mutual friend and so have offered my support. We're talking through her pain and outrage and it's bringing back a lot of old feelings. Ones that are nearly a decade old but none the less still painful. She is sorry that I have ever had to deal with this, but I am thankful that I can at least walk her through it and have an insight to what she's feeling, as much as it breaks my heart.

Tomorrow my friend (another) will give birth to her first born. She's periodically sent me baby bump updates and it's the weirdest thing- I see her belly and I know there is something in there that tomorrow I will love with all my heart. I am both excited and slightly nervous about the procedure.

Is this life now?