Let Me See You Make Decisions

Without Your Television.

I was sitting at a table of friends, one of whom is married, yet I'm the focus of the sex jokes. Primarily that my diet consists of semen.

I spend a large amount of my waking hours with my friends. I am social like that. So to be told that someone feels like they aren't getting enough attention from me actually hurts.

I have a number of friend requests backed up on a social network that I had no idea about until today. I tell a friend who used a similar situation in a joke recently, and suddenly all of these 'friend requests' are actually just people seeking sex from me.

These are my friends.

These are smart and sophisticated men and women who spend half their time in debate about what constitutes fair behaviour between the sexes, consent, and perception. Yet I've had to bite back on validating myself in each situation. They don't need to be told that I only get laid twice a week, no matter how many boys I'm dating. They don't need to be told that I run myself ragged between work and seeing my friends because both these things are more important to me than sleep. They don't need to be told that I have more to offer than just sex, that I seek friendships before I do relationships, and (see above point) I work my arse off to make sure that everyone knows how important to me they are.

There is no point to this post. I'm just angry and sick and tired and I would love to turn to any of them right now but I'm too offended to.

Tear the Petals off of You

Make you tell the truth.

I have a destructive side to my nature. I don't like it. I've never liked it, but it's always been there. It always manifests in the same way: I want to do something dangerous. I want to put myself in harm's way. Or start a fight. Or say or do something truly nasty. I always want to be dangerous.

I don't, though. I go for a run. Or call a friend. Or draft a blog. Or confront the people who have (in their way)  contributed to that emote.

I think this makes me different. I'm aware of my feelings as I feel them. I'm aware that I could very well go ahead and be destructive, but I don't. I don't want to hurt feelings, intentionally or not. I enjoy the level of trust my friends have in me. I love being the person they think of channeling when in a hard situation. I never, EVER want to destroy that.